As I begin to reflect on my own spiritual evolution, I begin to understand I have gone through opposing views, ideologies, etc. without creating any intellectual turmoil.
18 years ago there was a time when I almost lost all interest in public speaking. Once, at a Los Angeles seminar Siva appeared before me and asked me to “shut up”. Why do you bark like a dog? Is it for money, fame, that you are spreading ignorance to a gullible audience? He went on and on to say how foolish I was talking to the already “lost souls” who had gathered there for pass time, snob activity and not for enlightenment?
I knew in my heart that what Siva said was true. The most important thing was before the initiation took place he said “shut up” and “my mind shut up” and I could not speak. I immediately remembered the initiation of Arunagiri by Muruga. Arungiri had jumped off the tower of Tiruvananamalai in an attempt to commit suicide. Muruga assuming the form of an old man held in the hands of the falling Arunagiri.
Placing Arunagiri on the ground Muruga said to him “cumma iru collora” (be still without words). Arunagiri mind stopped. He got into an altered state of consciousness and his wisdom created the hymns called Thiruppugazh.
Mantras, discourses, instructions should be heard from an enlightened guru, an ignorant guru’s instructions work minimally. How is it possible for one know that a particular guru is enlightened or ignorant? God knows everything. If you truly long for enlightenment and nothing else he will send the guru to you. Or he himself will present himself either disguising himself as a human being or an apparition in a mediation or dream.
To go back to where I began- After the LA event which I cancelled after my inability to speak, I spent a few months in silence speaking very little and living by myself in Orange County, CA. But soon there was a realization that silence was more uglier than speech. It seemed that there was no way I could avoid filth, so I started speaking again. But this time I did not feel any problem. I was equally good with silence or speech.
In the last analysis, what makes me happy is the sounds of truth that emanates from the enlightened guru, which go beyond meaning and language. I remember the words of Tirumoolar the Tamil Siddha who said that it is blissful to see the physical form of the guru and hear his words. The guru’s form and speech constitute the highest form of initiation.